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tori amos
What really gets me about Tori's music is the way it makes you feel...it seems like you can't just listen to the music, you can really feel it deep inside your chest, in this little part that tightens at the exact moment she sings a certain way or sings some certain words that truly mean something to you. After managing to survive the fifth grade with the help of a ridiculous amount of chocolate, I discovered Tori through my older sister Beenie at the end of the sixth grade. I guess you could say it kind of saved me, as sappy as it may sound. Everybody needs something they can just close their eyes shut as tight as they can and hold on to for dear life. I probably could have survived without her music being a part of my life, but I don't know how well.
I think I used to talk a lot in school, and have a lot of friends and everything, but none of them were close. Of course I knew my two best friends then, Emily and Alicia, but it took Alicia's moving a couple states away to make me realize how important they are and how much I love them. Anyway, at some point, I just stopped talking and stuff. I suppose I kind of know why but I won't go into it. As time went on, though, especially as I began approaching adolesence, I started getting increasingly shy, until just being around people made me very uncomfortable. I guess the extreme shyness was just something that was in me all along, and I'm not sure that anything could have really changed it without me being a different person completely. But once I started listening to Tori, for the first time I really loved something completely, and it made me happier than I had been in a long long time. It also gave me something to stand on. I never cared what anybody thought about her or her music (no one really knew who she was, so of course they thought it was wierd or something), and that was because I knew that I liked it, that that was how I was. It gave me something to lean on when I needed it.
As time went on, I began to listen to other music, after nearly three years of strictly Tori. As I explored my music tastes, I began listening to PJ Harvey and The Goo Goo Dolls. Unfortunately, three years straight is a very long time to listen to one kind of music, especially as often as I did it, and it got to the point of overkill, so I lay off the Tori for a while, still giving her music the occasional listen. It had kind of started to lose meaning after it became such a routine. However I had gotten a four octave keyboard on some present giving occasion (I forgot which), and I finally began to learn how to play the piano in July of 98. Before that, I had spent a long time tinkering with it, and the MTV Unplugged sheet music book of Tori Beenie had given me for Christmas. The first thing I ever learned how to play on the piano was the first page of Icicle.
In the summer before highschool, I began to expand my music interests to rock music, particularily industrial rock. I bought the brand new cd by the equally new band Orgy, which Emily then borrowed for a very long time, before I'd even listened to the entire CD. While she had it, I bought Blink-182's first album, and quickly became a fan. Having introduced Tori's music to Emily and Alicia a long time ago (they have some of her stuff), I likewise played them my Blink CD, and they too became fans. Once I finally got my Orgy CD back, I grew fanatical about them as well. In short, I added on KoRn, Coal Chamber, Videodrone, and Marilyn Manson to my list of music I love. During this time, Tori still remained my favorite artist (and Goo Goo Dolls my favorite band). Nearing the end months of a hard year for me, I began to submerge myself into her music again, and found it as wonderful as ever. Belatedly discovering "Never Seen Blue" on my Jackie's Strength single, it became my all time favorite song.
Even though things have changed a lot for me (shocking amounts within the space of two years--this year I have managed to conquer my shyness a lot, and I have occasional periods of time where I'm completely comfortable around anyone), there is one thing that will always remain the same, and that is my love for Tori's music. From the Choirgirl Hotel is my favorite of her albums, and I find myself craving that and her others often. But I also find myself depending on her music to pick me up as things keep getting harder and harder. It never fails to do just that.